Liana catches me as she looks out the kitchen window; I'm pulling into the driveway. You'd think in the seven years she's known me that she'd at least have had suspicions before now, but somehow it's evaded her notice. Maybe she's just persuaded herself that it wasn't happening, pushed the obvious truth to the back of her mind.
"So who is it with?" she asks.
"I don't know. Anybody. Nobody. Myself."
"And you go through the whole thing?"
"Just my side of it."
"And how often are you doing it?"
"You know, whenever."
"Whenever I'm not around?"
"I guess. Yeah."
"It's not normal."
I admit it: I talk to myself- little half-spoken soliloquies, throughout the day- in the shower, in the car, in the neighborhood on a dog walk, in my classroom before school... I replay the previous day's conversation and preview the next day's. I rehearse witty replies to future biographers and radio talk show hosts. I try on different phrases with every possible inflection; I'm constantly revising, but the final drafts of these conversations never quite reflect the hours of effort I put into crafting them.
It's why I find comfort in blogging. I get to sit down and try my thoughts out before they stream out of my mouth and call everyone's attention to the fact that I've no idea what I'm talking about.
It's been a week since Matt S. asked us all what the point of blogging is, and you've all given me- and your peers, I hope- plenty of food for thought. I've seen insights, revelations, anecdotes, poetry, rants, and eloquent observations of the relationships that make up our lives. Admittedly, the teacher in me had visions of a lot more engagement with texts- but I feel like I've gotten so much out of reading what you've been willing to share here that I'm okay with letting some of that go.
But then I remember that the beauty of this project is that you are engaging with text, because each of us is a text, to be read and pondered and responded to, and then the teacher in me is sated.
4 comments:
My sister does the same thing you do! I dont think its that weird. Im pretty sure talking to yourself only becomes unhealthy when theres another voice talking back to you. :)
Oh, yeah I couldn't agree more. As long as you don't really get an answer, it is not weird. I kind of talk to myself too but it's just about homework and stuff. Like, "how come I can't solve this problem" or "this is getting on my nerves."
I do that too. I'm not really talking to myself, I'm just thinking out loud.
I talk to myself all the time. Sometimes ill think of something and it'll just pop out and ill be in a store or something. Thats the worst.
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